My bucket list seems to be growing by the day so if I ever do get all this lard off I am going to be extremely busy and totally knackered, in the space of a few weeks I have agreed to a parachute jump, a marathon and now mountain climbing with a friend in the States lol (I really need to learn how to say no).

I hope by this time next month I will reach my first target of 30 stone, I know this is still a crazy amount of weight and am embarrassed to even put it on here but two years ago I was tipping the scales at 40 stone so I guess a 25% reduction is a good start. I was chatting to a really good friend this morning and I saying one thing I am really looking forward to is being able to dress how I want, the clothes I wear now are tidy and functional but they were purchased because they fit not because I really like them.

Once another ten stone is off you will see a totally new me with a very different look and a very gorgeous lady has volunteered to “Gok Me”, sadly I know that is nowhere near as pervy as it sounds but maybe then I won’t be embarrassed to be seen out with her.

Had a real close call tonight and nearly ordered a load of junk from the local take away, not sure why but I just had this really bad mood swing and was very down. These diabetic meds really don’t help at all as they are making me really run down, just glad the side effects should be gone in a couple of weeks. I really need to get my head sorted though because now I know I cant have certain foods it just makes me think about them even more, I have these silly arguments with myself in my head where I hear myself saying “you should have it just once because you might not be able to have it again”; am I the only one that has the conflicting voices ???

Anyway that’s about it for now, hope I did not bore you too much lol

P.S How much are shakes and bars these days?

I really need to up my exercise but not sure what to do, was going to get a power plate buy my health trainer says they are only good for toning (can you tone fat?). I did try the local gym but it was that full even in the middle of the night there were people queuing up waiting to use the machines.

My health trainers suggests walking but I really don’t feel comfortable going out walking around here especially as there is nowhere to sit down if my legs play up. I would try going out late at night but around here I would end up getting mugged so maybe I need to look at treadmills but just had a quick Google and even the ones at £50 a week to rent are just below my weight.

Hmmm decisions decision!

When I was at the Doctors on Tuesday he was telling me about how the Metformin was going to extend my life, I did not think about it at the time but looking back been told at 36 you need medication to extend you life is some pretty worrying shit. Anyway this has led me on to my bucket list which say far includes doing a parachute jump, running a marathon (blame Teressa for that one), learning to drive, visiting Japan and having at least one night of passion with every one of the ladies in my harem so come on all you sexay people form an orderly queue and help me tick this one off my list

Anyway to cut a long story short (as I am sure you are bored by now) it turns out I am diabetic which ok is bad, I understand that but compared to some of things I was thinking it was actually quite a relief. Luckily my new surgery is a lot more supportive then my old one and in the space of two days I have all my meds sorted, a diabetic review planned, a new place to be weighed every two weeks and even a health trainer who looks about twelve but certainly knows his stuff.

So all of this has lead me back here, a blog I started to record my journey to health and hopefully happiness. I am feeling more positive now then I have done in a long time so fingers crossed and with the support of the friends I have around me this time I won’t piss about and waste the time feeling sorry for myself.

The good news is even though I have not stuck to the diet that well I have not put any more weight on and am now seven stone lighter then the day I started which everyone tells me is great even though I can’t see it myself (unless you are one of us fatties you probably won’t understand that).

I guess that’s it for now, I shall be updating daily but if I don’t you have permission to give me a good kick up the arse!

Anyway I do not really have much to say as nothing has being happening. I am still dieting and still losing weight slowly; I can’t notice much difference myself but everyone else says they can so it must be working which means I have no reason to give it up and get back to real food ……… DAMN.

Seriously though it is not too bad. I do get cravings but they are more mental then physical as I never really feel hungry but I just wish I could get over needing comfort food when feeling down. Don’t worry I have not cheated but it has being hard at times but I know the feeling I get after stuffing my face with crap is a lot worse to deal with then the need for it in the first place.

Big excitement this week though as Cambridge announced a new product; Porridge! You may not think this is a big deal but after months on shakes and bars something warm and thick (get that rude thought out of your head right now) will be a real change. Some lucky so and so’s have already had chance to try it and have given it the thumbs up but us mere mortals have to wait a bit longer.

Well that’s about it for now, tune in some time soon …….. Ok maybe not soon but sometime for the next thrilling instalment of The Dogs Den *cue theme music*.

All my life I have been overweight but I was always active, always worked, always had a good social life, used to run youth club for disabled kids 3 nights a week etc, then just over ten years ago I had an accident at work and developed a condition called Lymphoedema in both of my legs. I carried on working against doctor’s orders for nearly 4 years which made the condition worse, but at the time my mom was ill with the same condition and mine was the only income so I had no choice. Anyway six year ago the company I was working for went bankrupt and I was made redundant. In some ways this was a good thing because mom needed me round a lot more as she could do less and less for herself. I guess we both turned to food for comfort and over the years I piled the weight on.

Four years ago my mom died, a side effect of her Lymphoedema, a blood clot travelled from her leg and blocked one of her lungs. One day I might tell you the whole story; it’s a day I will never forget.

The week after mom died out local council been the wonderful people they are decided I was not eligible to stay in the house I had lived in all my life and gave me a month to find somewhere else.

In the space of a month my whole life changed, no mom, no house, no family to speak of but I got a flat and tried to stay positive but the need for that comfort was still there, I dread to think how many take aways I have had over the space of the past four years, I don’t even enjoy them any more, but I get a buzz for a few minutes then hate myself, food has become my drug of choice and has lead me to where I am today, morbidly overweight, depressed and pretty much housebound.

Now is the time to change, I have to, there are no magic cures, only I can do this.